One of the biggest challenges for divorcing parents is deciding how to create rules when your kids spend time in two different households. You may have read that children need continuity in their life. You might think you and your ex need to agree on one set of rules that apply across households. Agreeing with someone you have separated from can be challenging.
Kids can adapt to different rules
Fortunately, there is no evidence to show that each household needs the same rules. Children are more capable of adapting to different rules than you think. Doing so is a part of their everyday life. The society we live in is full of different social codes.
When your child is with their friends, they speak and act one way. When they are at your parent’s house, they change their behavior. They drop the swear words and slang that are fine amongst their peer group but would not wash with their grandparents.
When they go to school, they follow a different set of regulations. Even within that closed environment, they know what behavior is acceptable with one teacher and not with another. Once the bell for break rings, they adapt again.
Try to agree with the other parent on the crucial things
It helps to reach a consensus with your ex on some things regarding your children. Consider what is important when sharing child custody. Whether your younger child goes to bed at 8.00 pm or 8.30 pm is not worth arguing over. Whether your older daughter is old enough to date probably does require a shared stance. Your family law attorney can help you work out a parenting plan with your co-parent that will address the things that you want to have consensus on.