Ending your marriage may be causing you and your spouse a lot of pain. Both of you are likely feeling some mixture of anger and sadness. You may also be dreading the thought of endless courtroom arguments. However, the belief that divorce needs to be nasty is a misconception.

Your divorce can actually be quite peaceful. If both you and your spouse make an effort to have an amicable breakup, you can minimize the pain you experience. Here is how you can have a smoother divorce.

Resist the blame game

You may harbor some anger or resentment against your spouse for his or her contributions to the split. However, as soon as you start blaming your spouse for everything, you initiate a battle. Playing the blame game immediately puts the other person in defense mode. Avoid the natural inclination to focus on the past. Instead, figure out what decisions will create a better future for you, your spouse and your kids. 

Forget the small details

Getting a divorce requires you to consider a lot of legal and financial issues. While it is important to pay attention to these processes, do not let yourself get wrapped up in insignificant arguments. For example, dividing your marital property is a vital process that requires careful consideration. However, it is not worth it to fight over a piece of furniture. 

Stay out of court

It is hard to stop your divorce from becoming adversarial as soon as you step foot into court. Rather than litigating your divorce, you may consider going through the collaborative family law process. In a collaborative divorce, you and your spouse work with attorneys to reach common goals without entering a courtroom. This helps discussions stay calm and focused rather than getting heated. 

peaceful divorce may sound like an oxymoron, but it is possible to achieve. Talk to your spouse about pursuing a collaborative divorce.